“Orbital Egos: A Summit in Zero Gravity”

A Burlesque in One Very Tense, Very Weightless Act

Dramatis Personae:

• Vladimir Putin: Arrives in a cosmonaut suit stitched with ancient Roman wolf emblems. Carries a floating samovar.
  
  

• Donald Trump: Wears a red MAGA space helmet with gold trim and a fake moon badge labeled "Best Galaxy President, Believe Me."
  
  

• Xi Jinping: Serenely sipping chrysanthemum tea, floating in Tai Chi posture.
  
  

• Elon Musk: Bouncing bet…